how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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