It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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