I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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