she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
