Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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