The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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