I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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