giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just googled if crying burns calories
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
