I'm so fucking centered right now
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
