I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
