first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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