I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
