she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
