Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
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Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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