I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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