remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
