Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
there is glitter all over my balls
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