Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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