my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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