my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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