i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
