evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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