That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize