So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
