I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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