dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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