Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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