now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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