she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
