i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize