He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
