dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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