just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
40s are totally the cure
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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