It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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