it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
