I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
