His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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