It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
