he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
