Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I could fuck to npr.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
