So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
