In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
