I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
