My hand turned me down
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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