there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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