So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
