you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
