I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
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Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
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Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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