Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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