Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think I am morally bankrupt
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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