just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i've created a new STD.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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