You work out of a Hotel?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
