Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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