Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
