you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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