she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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