I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
