You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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