I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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