This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize