Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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