dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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