We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
